I’ve been a bit blue these past few days and think I’m figuring now that its not about credit cards or age or hormones… it’s just life… and how quickly… despite all my efforts… it’s passed me by.

As my daughter dropped me to work this morning I had this ache for the days when she was a little girl and I walked her to school from my Father’s house.  I would then return, just a few short hours later, to collect her and we would go on to fill the rest of our day together doing all the daft things that have built our wonderful relationship.  The feeling I had this morning was so overwhelming that I had to collect my thoughts and steady myself in the bathroom before going to my desk.

With the impending disappearance of my daughter in the next 12 months (once she starts Uni) I am… for the first time in my life… on the verge of being truly alone

I don’t think I’ll cope without her.

I’ve always been with someone.  Be it my parents… my ex-husband (who I met when I was 16 and moved in with me when I was 17) or my daughter.  I have never spent more than a week away from her.

Truth be told… I’m terrified of being alone… and I know thats pathetic because I should look on this as a new chapter of my life with all the doors that independence will throw open for me… but you know what… there were never that many doors opening anyway.. why should me being alone make a difference?

I’m starting to panic.. which is ridiculous… because she’s not going anywhere for months yet… and really.. she hasn’t even mentioned moving out at all or going into halls or anything like that.

I’m going to bed… I’m tired and fractious.